Reader Contribution

Some sports chestnuts:

Don Meredith, Dallas Cowboys Quarterback once said: "Coach Tom Landry is such a perfectionist that if he was married to Raquel Welch, he would expect her to cook.”

Harry Neale, professional hockey coach: "Last year we couldn't win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play.”

Doug Sanders, professional golfer: "I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect.

Tommy LaSorda , L A Dodgers manager: "I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad I'm having them.”

E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations: "My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.”

Vic Braden, tennis instructor: "My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren't as good.

Tommy John , N.Y. Yankees, recalling his 1974 arm surgery: "When they operated, I told them to add in a Koufax fastball. They did, but unfortunately it was Mrs. Koufax's.”

Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles: "I don't know. I only played there for nine years.”

John Breen, Houston Oilers: "We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.”

Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to the Atlanta Falcons: "The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.”

Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon: "Because if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day.”

Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game: "I won't know until my barber tells me on Monday.”

Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George Brett on hitting: "I tell him "Attaway to hit, George.”

Bill Walton, Portland Trail Blazers: "I learned a long time ago that 'minor surgery' is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.”

Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach: "The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday.

The great John McKay, who coached USC for a bunch of years and later became the initial head coach of those terrible expansion Tampa Bay Bucs teams, had a few zingers. He was once asked after a lopsided loss what he thought of his team’s execution. He said: “I think it would be a very good idea.” On another occasion after a serious whipping he was asked what the turning point of the game had been. He replied: “The Star Spangled Banner.” 

Former UCLA basketball coach, John Wooden, “Coaching is highly overrated. The team with the better players almost always wins.

Thanks John B.!

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