- "Shithole": takes Michael Wolff's book off of the front page for a while
- A poorly designed new U.S. Embassy: gives Trump and excuse for not visiting London
- The Energizer Bunny: tends to keep Bill Clinton out of the public square
- Expensive Chardonnay: tends to keep Hillary Clinton out of the public square
- Cryptocurrencies: a novel way for the wealthy to piss away huge fortunes
- Mexican wall: the bullet in the Democrats' game of Russian Roulette
- NYC truck attack: a reason to get rid of the visa lottery and chain migration
- Colin Kaepernick's protest: an excuse not to watch increasingly boring NFL games
- Russian meddling charge: exposes the perfidy of Obama's Deep State
- Transgender bathrooms: shows the folly of women pissing into an urinal standing up
- Weiner-Abedin marriage: keeps Carlos Danger from testifying against Huma
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