New Year’s Resolutions

Here are my most heartfelt resolutions for 2014:

-        Lose 40 pounds

-        Stop worrying and love the bomb

-        Learn how to play the tuba

-        Try to see the good in Miley Cyrus

-        Be nicer to the neighborhood pets

-        Get out of the stock market … invest in Detroit real estate

-        Get some Botox injections

-        Run 2 miles every year

-        Start appreciating rap music

-        Eat more organ meats

-        Say something positive about President Barack Obama

Alright … maybe not the last one.