Headlines

These headlines are real ... they have all been discovered on Internet news sites.

Trump and Ali Baba's Jack Ma plan to create 1 million U.S. jobs

Apple seeks to expand manufacturing in Arizona

Booker to testify against fellow Senator [Sessions] in unprecedented move ...

LA needs to borrow millions to cover legal payouts ...

'Clock Boy' loses in court, father's defamation lawsuit dismissed

Majority of Americans believe that Russia was behind DNC hack

Congressional Black Caucus to re-hang anti-cop 'Police are Pigs' painting in Capitol

Washington [DC] City Council considers 'sanctuary city' status.

Wat? Pelosi: Obamacare was 'bipartisan' legislation

Obama administration makes desperate play to save transgender bathrooms

Turkey continues to accuse USA of supporting ISIS ...

Kim Kardashian's chauffeur arrested for 'inside job' in Paris armed robbery

Headlines

These headlines are real ... they have all been discovered on Internet news sites.

Kim Kardashian held at gunpoint in Paris hotel ... begged for her life

Gary Hart: Hillary doesn't get it ...

EU warns Brit press NOT to reveal when terrorists are Muslims ...

Fashion show attendees, media skeptical of [Kim Kardashian] robbery story ...

FLOTUS: 'We need someone who is honest and plays by the rules' as president

NFL ratings ugly ...

Scarborough: Bill Clinton is trying to destroy his wife's campaignh

NYT Flashback: Hillary on Jennifer Flowers, 'I would crucify her" ...

Kardashian robbery not caught on surveillance cam ...

FBI agreed to destroy Clinton aides' laptops after granting them immunity

Bill Clinton on Obamacare: 'It's the craziest system in the world' ...

Pew: Most Americans don't believe in 'climate change consensus' ...

Headlines

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These headlines are real ... they have all been discovered on Internet news sites.

Scanning software deciphers ancient Biblical scroll

School allows boy to run for Homecoming Queen after appeal

Trump vows to drive down college costs

60% of voters believe that Iran has already or will cheat on nuclear deal

Kim Kardashian rethinking Clinton endorsement ...

Tulsa cop charged in shooting

Pythons extend their grip on parts of South Florida

Clinton IT employee held in contempt of Congress

Clinton gives nod to Sanders with 65% top estate tax rate

Charlotte riots: 70% arrested have out-of-state IDs ...

New Black Panther Chair: 'Ain't no fun when the rabbit has the gun'

Clinton demands a step-stool at debate podium to add height ...

Scandal Fatigue

Americans have developed calluses on our psyches due to the daily barrage of scandals surfacing around our politicians. And these calluses, unfortunately, cause us to be skeptical of many of these outrages. However, the sheer volume of these misdeeds suggests that at least some of them are true or near true. And this tells me that our government is a festering sore of evil self-dealing and immorality.

How many of us remember when accepting a vicuna coat as a gift (during Eisenhower's tenure as president) caused a national front-page scandal that resulted in the ouster of a key administration aide, Sherman Adams? Now, such a misstep would be laughed off as being penny-ante foolishness.

And so we are greeted today with another news bagatelle ... Julian Assange of Wikileaks is suggesting that Seth Rich, the recently murdered Democrat staffer, was the source of the leaked DNC e-mails that cost Debbie Wasserman Schultz and two others their jobs ... see: The Gateway Pundit Story. This, of course, can't be true ... our overtaxed synapses will not permit such accusations to enter our conscious brain ... despite the fact that such lethal innuendo has swirled around the Clintons since Arkansas days. How could these two upright states-persons be involved in such skulduggery?

And so our inquiring minds are turned to the Olympics or to America's Got Talent or to the latest Kim Kardashian's bum shots ... we can't be bothered to tax our grey cells any further with these obviously Trump-ed up scandals. They are just diversions from the more important things in life.

Sideshow Freaks

Remember the bearded lady, the sword swallower, the human skeleton, the chicken-head-biting geek, etc. of yesterday's circus midway? Pretty much all of them are gone. Yet with this passing of carnivals, there still seems a fundamental need for people to view the weirder side of humanity ... the sideshow freaks.

Never fear, modern media has stepped into this vacuum with the likes of Kim Kardashian (Bubble-Butt Lady), Caitlyn Jenner (Half Man-Half Woman), and Rachel Dolezar (The Human Negative). I fully expect now to see over the next months and years a replacement repertoire of these old sideshow freaks resurrected though the phenomenon of our new media outlets. The only real difference is that these neo-freaks will live not on the edge of society as they once did ... but now near its center, making millions of dollars.

Afterward: See what I mean (from reddit):

 

Beefcake

Martin O'Malley

I'm not sure that Howard Taft could get elected president these days ... as he wouldn't look too ripped in a Speedo. The sign of the times seems to be inanity and beefcake ... Vladamir Putin riding bareback bare chested  ... and now Democrat candidate, Martin O'Malley, is taking every opportunity to show his pecs to potential young lady voters (and maybe others?)

In this era when millennials can't answer simple political questions like who won the Civil War, savvy pols have dumbed down their campaigns to kindergarten levels ... learning from the likes of Kim Kardashian, Lady Gaga and Barack Obama. I can easily project that, in a few more years, Spiderman might indeed achieve high elected office.

New Year's Resolutions

In the ensuing year I will endeavor to do (or not do) the following:

- Give President Obama the benefit of the doubt ... once

- Don't join any organization that beheads people

- Thank a cop for his/her service

- Not fly on any Far East airlines

- Stop rooting for the Red Sox

- Write a blog that makes the world a tiny bit better

- Steer clear of posting or reading social media

- Never watch the SONY movie "The Interview"

- Laugh more often, particularly at myself

- Stop commenting on Kim Kardashian's monster derrière

Rump Steak

I thought Kim Kardashian's derriere was natural ... see: Juxtaposition LII. But no ... apparently the Hollywood glitterati have found a new way to maim their bodies. I came across the following "before and after" rump-steak revelation on the reddit Pics site:

Kim Kardashian -- Before and After Plastic Surgery

(Sorry for all this rear-end rotgut of late ...)

Afterward: And I also apologize for this one last Jimmy Kimmel spoof of dear Kim: Daily Caller Video. I couldn't resist.

A New Station of the Cross

Apparently our modern society has become obsessed with our backsides. Witness Kim Kardashian's popularity (see: Juxtaposition LII) and a bunch of puerile Dartmouth College students' expressed curiosity about Texas Governor Rick Perry's anus (see: Bile Green). Now, some equally infantile feminists in Rome have decided that crucifixes make fine sex toys for insertion into their posteriors. A group of three topless oinkers from the Ukraine called Femen demonstrated outside of the Vatican protesting the Pope's planned visit to the European Parliament ... see: The Gateway Pundit.

Their attempt to rouse or arouse their onlookers with their 15th station of the cross certainly made international new reports ... but I don't think that Pope Francis was that impressed.

Juxtaposition LII

Kim Kardashian

Hottentot

See: Why Kim Kardashian's Bottom is so Implausibly Huge.