New Year’s Resolutions

1)      I’ve decided to stop calling President Obama “The Barry” … like we call Donald Trump, “The Donald.”  This is clearly a disrespecting appellative.  From now on, I occasionally might call Obama “His Royal Highness.”
2)      I will offer to drive any EBT card holders who have “lost” their EBT card to the Massachusetts state center to receive a new EBT card … as many times as are required (but no more than five times a month per holder).
3)     I will not “fudge” on my tax returns this year as I herein resolve to help His Royal Highness pay for his many lavish vacations, White House celebrations, and golf outings..
4)     I mean to keep my non-conforming political thoughts to myself … and only those discontents who read this blog.  At parties and other social gatherings I will echo the MSNBC talking points (especially Al Sharpton’s).
5)      I plan to lose 55 pounds by strictly following Michelle Obama’s diet regime = waygu beef, peacock tongues, and caviar (of course paid for by U.S. taxpayers.)
6)      I intend to install solar panels on my house’s roof and refuse any associated tax credits … and not laud it over my global-warming denier friends.  I also intend to exhale only half as much in order to reduce my carbon footprint.
7)      I will rent every Michael Moore DVD ever made and watch them over and over until I am converted fully to his warped way of thinking.
8)      I shall denounce my desire that the U.S. balance it’s fiscal accounts and will publicly revile anyone who does … feeling that our national debt is inconsequential at best.  This includes placing an iconic statuette of Little Timmy Geithner on my mantel.
9)       I no longer will watch anything on Fox News.
10)   I intend to start a "Hillary in 2016" political action committee.