As we approach our next national election, my misgivings about our election process are growing. No, I do not mean “hanging chads” or “paper trail” concerns; I mean I am worried about who gets to vote. When I am allowed to add my bit to the Constitution (why not, everyone else seems to want to), I would advance the following new requirements for voter eligibility:
- Must be able to read and laugh at a Dave Barry column
- No more than one (inconspicuous) tattoo
- No body piercings with rusty protuberances
- No weirdly spelled first names, such as Jessye, Eriq, and Alisyn
- Must be a taxpayer – “No representation without taxation” … this would eliminate most students in situ (unless they went home)
- No members of PETA, NAMBLA, or the ACLU
- Cannot be a regular MTV or “The Daily Show” viewer
- No droolers
- No TV talking heads or news anchors
- No professional athletes or, for that matter, anyone earning over $1 million per
That should do it.
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