Thursday, April 17, 2008

Obama Nation

My many liberal Massachusetts friends (it’s in the water) have convinced me that it is inevitable that Barak Obama will be elected our next President. So, to adjust myself to this rather unpleasant thought, I have made a list of things that I’m pretty certain will occur during his administration(s):
- As a reward for his help in the election, Bill Clinton will be named our U.N. Ambassador
- The U.S. will recognize Hamas
- Bill Richardson will be named our Secretary of State
- Taxes will be increased across the board
- The budgets for the Defense Department and U.S intelligence activities will be slashed
- President Obama will sit down with Ahmadinejad, Chavez, and bin Laden
- Lani Guinier will be appointed to the Supreme Court (and confirmed this time)
- The U.S. will withdraw from NATO
- Sharia law will be made a local option throughout the U.S.
- Jimmie Carter, George Soros, and Louis Farrakhan will be given the Medal of Freedom
- All U.S. soldiers will be out of Iraq and Afghanistan by July 1, 2009
- John Murta will be named the U.S. Secretary of Defense
- The U.S. will stop all foreign and military aid to Israel
- All wire-taps will be stopped and those who have been tapped will be informed and any such evidence collected will be destroyed
- Illegal immigrants will be granted amnesty and given Social Security benefits
- Our new Attorney General will be John Edwards
- Raila Odinga, Barack cousin, will be recognized by the U.S. as Kenya’s legitimate president
- Presidential pardons – O.J. Simpson, Jose Padilla, Michael Vick, Lynne Stewart and all current and past Guantanamo prisoners
- Oil will hit $200 per barrel
- Bill Moyers will be (re)named Presidential Press Secretary
- Deval Patrick will be named the Secretary of the Interior
- A national carbon tax will be endorsed by the U.S. and implemented through the U.N.

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