A Modern Fable

A big orange bear and a weasel with hair plugs were playing Monopoly. The bear kept landing on, buying properties and building hotels on them. The weasel’s strategy was to keep passing GO and collecting $200 ... and trying to keep landing on Free Parking, railroads, utilities, Community Chest and Chance. The weasel had amazing luck and actually was in the lead for quite a while as he kept rolling the precise numbers to avoid paying the orange bear any rent. He even spent some time in Jail where he sat waiting while his opponent kept building hotels and spending money.

The weasel also had uncanny luck in what cards he drew from his landed-on Chance and Community Chest places. There, the cards he received gave him a kickback from “the bank” and a tax refund from the IRS. Each player (in this case the orange bear and the Chinese dragon) had to give him huge penalties ... and the (Ukrainian) Board of Directors paid him an extra dividend. In fact, he was riding so high that all the spectators in this televised match from the weasel’s basement felt sure that he was a shoe-in to win ... particularly since none of the orange bear’s hotels were collecting any rents.

But then something dramatic happened! The orange bear discovered that the weasel was playing with loaded dice ... and all the Chance and Community Chest cards had been forged. The orange bear strenuously objected to this cheating “hoax” by the weasel ... which caused the weasel to challenge the orange bear to go behind the barn to settle things.

The orange bear quickly accepted ... but when he arrived behind the barn, the weasel had forgotten why they were there ... and was in the process of caressing and smelling a beaver’s silky hair.

The orange bear went back to play more Monopoly successfully for another four years.

Bailouts (Updated)

One business that theTrump organization is involved in is hotels. The Marriott hotel people have laid off 75% of its headquarters organization in Bethesda, MD ... and an equivalent percentage of its hotel staffs around the world. Obviously, Trump’s hotels are suffering an equivalent impact.

The question then becomes: Should the current Congressional $2 trillion bailout bill benefit Trump’s interests on an equivalent basis as it benefits the Marriott organization? I don’t see how it can’t. But such a potential bailout sends the Libs into paroxysms of outrage. (Watch for their snarky comments.)

Really, the only way that Democrats would calm down would be for the Trump organization to declare bankruptcy ... and Trump himself to succumb to the coronavirus.

Afterward: Heard Don Jr. on the radio today and he said that the Trump organization has been specifically excluded in the bailout bill. (Also see comments.)

The Name of the Game

As promised, to take one of my previous posts (see: Funny Money) a little further, I would like to create an extended metaphor for the U.S. economy under the current administration and our Federal Reserve Bank's (FRB's) new policies.  The metaphor I choose is the game of Monopoly.  Here are the updated rules for the "Chicago-style" version of this old favorite:

- The name of the game has been changed to "Big Government Monopoly."

- The amount of cash in the "bank" (now called the FRB) has been tripled as has the amount of paper money each player gets at game start.

- The railroads have been replaced with government-funded high-speed monorails to entertainment destinations.

- The color of hotels has been changed from red to green.

- Passing GO now gets a player a government hand-out of $1000, but he/she must kick-back 20% to the SEIU.

- Any and all Wall-Street bankers who land on "Go to Jail" are exempted from this fate.

- "Free Parking" exists only for Chevy Volts, Toyota Priuses and other "green" cars ... the "free" refers to electricity plug-in stations.  Gas-guzzling cars landing on "Free Parking" are crushed.

- The utilities (now just solar and wind powered) can no longer be purchased by players.  They are now government-owned and landing on them requires players to tithe to the FRB.

- Players can mortgage their properties for as much as 200% of assessed value.  After four turns around the board, the mortgages are forgiven by the FRB.

- Players wanting to build houses or hotels on their properties must first pass stringent environmental-impact muster.

- An onerous Luxury Tax is charged to only those players who look like they are winning.

... and so it goes ...