Dark Ages

Rush Limbaugh offered something like the following perceptive observation on Friday last:

Scientists have become alarmed at the accelerating decrease in sunlight available each day in the Northern Hemisphere. Since the end of this past June, the minutes of daylight have steadily shrunk to the point of near panic. All U.N. scientists now agree that, if this decrease continues apace, our 24-hour day will be totally dark by the end of this coming June … not one glimmer of luminescence. And what is worse – it seems that this lost light has been leaking down below the equator. While we here would be forced to live without natural illumination, those in Africa, South America, and Australia would enjoy twenty-four hours of sunlight … obviously Nature’s reward for these peoples’ limited use of the world’s natural resources.

So everyone in the Northern Hemisphere is besought to stop driving their cars, heating their homes, and using electricity for any purpose. And moreover, everyone is also asked to purchase daylight offsets from the George Hamilton Daylight Offset Foundation. Each $1,000 donated will allow us to regain one more second of daylight over the next six months. Please, please, please don’t let George Hamilton fade to pastiness. Thank you all!