Fractured Definition

Nudnik — Santa Claus in his birthday suit

Christmas Tree Ornaments

Today Paul Ryan donned a fur-lined red suit with a pillow beneath ... all he needs now is a red hat and to whiten his beard ... to validate his position as the Santa Clause of Congress. The House is ready to pass a $1.1 trillion omnibus budget bill that includes a large number of Christmas tree ornaments: -- largess for NASCAR tracks, race horses, Hollywood, college students, UN Climate Fund, Syrian immigrants and many more mark-up handouts to buy support ... see: Washington Times Story.

I thought that this new Speaker of the House was going to fix things in our broken legislature? If he had such designs, he seems to have forgotten them and is reverting back to the old pork-barrel ways.


Afterward: Now we know why Romney/Ryan lost in 2112.

Christmas Angel

This is the true history of how the tradition of placing an angel on the top of a Christmas tree came about …

It seems that many years ago Santa Claus had pulled a hamstring two weeks before Christmas while putting his sleigh back in shape.  So he was bedridden during the critical yuletide period and needed to be ministered to by Mrs. Claus … up and down the stairs with his meals and helping him stay comfortable. 

Also Santa’s elves took advantage of this problem to go on strike for higher wages and better health insurance.  Therefore, in between helping Santa, Mrs. Claus had to spend all her remaining waking hours in the toy shop putting the finishing touches on the toys for all the world’s boys and girls.

To top things off, all of Santa’s reindeer got a bad case of Montezuma’s revenge from some bad Mexican oats.  This forced Mrs. Claus to find still more time to clean out the reindeer's stable three times a day … while still helping Santa on the mend … and finishing op her toy shop chores.

Finally Christmas Eve arrived and Santa was finally ambulatory, the elves agreeing to pack up all the toys under binding arbitration, and the reindeer were loaded with Kaopectate and ready to fly.  Santa climbed into his sleigh and was off on his world-wide trek with his signature "Ho Ho Ho."

Mrs. Claus sank into her easy chair with a deep sigh … hardly able to move … when suddenly there was a small knock at the front door.  Mrs. Claus reluctantly pulled herself to her feet and answered same.  Standing there was a beautiful  tiny angel bracing up a lush fir tree for the Claus residence.

Speaking to the clearly annoyed Mrs. Claus she politely ask her, “What do you want me to do with this Christmas tree Mrs. Claus?”

And so, this tradition was born …

Merry Christmas!

A Jolly Old Elf

Today we got a little coal in our stockings (going over the fiscal cliff), but we also were given one huge early present … the world does not seem to be ending as per the Mayan calendar.  Thank you Santa Claus!

The Christmas-Tree Angel

This is a story about how an angel came to be traditionally on top of a Christmas tree.

It seems that many years ago Santa came down with a serious case of the croup a few weeks before Christmas and Mrs. Claus had to minister to his illness.  She was up and down the steps all day with hot chicken soup, orange juice, and NyQuil.

Then two weeks before Christmas Santa's elves went on strike demanding time-and-a-half pay for weekend and evening work.  So Mrs. Claus, when she was not up and down the stairs with the hot soup, was out in the workshop putting the finishing touches on all the children's toys.

Then a week before Christmas Santa’s reindeer all got the trots.  So Mrs. Claus, when she was not up and down the stairs with the hot soup and out in the workshop putting the finishing touches on all the toys, was in the stable changing the reindeer's bedding straw and giving them Kaopectate.

Finally Christmas Eve came and Santa was up on wobbly legs, the elves had packed up the toys under binding arbitration, and the reindeer were sufficiently recovered to perform their annual flight.  Santa’s sleigh was piled high with his goodies for all the children of the world.  Santa got into his sleigh, gave his team a whistle, and they were off at last.

Mrs. Claus went back into the house and, with a deep sigh, sank into Santa’s big easy chair by the roaring fire.  Just then there came a tiny knock at the front door.  Grumpily, Mrs. Claus left her soft chair to go see what new trouble had befallen her.  When she opened the door, there was standing the most beautiful little angel holding a lovely Christmas tree she had brought for the Claus’s.

She sweetly said to the scowling Mrs. Claus, “I have brought you your Christmas tree.  Where would you like me to put it?”

Juxtaposition X

I want to give you your grandchildren's money ... and not just one day a year!