Our Next President …

* Will have, as a campaign slogan, “Hype and Something Else”
* Will have, as a campaign motto, “A Newer Ending”
* Will have written a book titled “It Takes a Neighborhood to Dream of My Father Going Rogue”
* Will be androgynous (shemale?)
* Will admit to doing designer drugs in the past but be vague about present-day usage
* Will have been born in Ethiopia inside the U.S. Embassy
* Will be a Navaho/Vietnamese cross-breed
* Will have, as a campaign theme song, “There’s No Tomorrow”
* Will have, as a campaign manager, Phil Spector
* Will promise not to raise taxes [too much]
* Will have raised, through the Internet and Iphones, $25 billion in campaign funds
* Will choose Barney Frank, the defeated House incumbent, as Vice President
* Will name George Soros as Secretary of the Treasury
* Will name Dennis Kucinich as Secretary of Defense
* Will name Chelsea Clinton as Secretary of State
* Will name [the disbarred] Sandy Berger as Attorney General
* Will name Richard Simmons as Surgeon General
* Will redecorate the White House in the style of a bordello
* Will pardon Bernard Madoff
* Will win the Nobel Prize in Economics, Physics, Medicine, and Peace
* Will also win an Oscar, a Pulitzer Prize, a National Book Award, and Megabucks
* Will have a pet mongrel dog named “Rush”