Happy Kwanzaa

Today is the first day of Kwanzaa ... in fact it is the 45th anniversary of the creation of this special day meant to celebrate African-American culture.  To read more about the ceremonies and the rationales of this special day. (I eschew the word "holiday" since its derivation is "holy day" ... which Kwanzaa is not meant to be) go to this: Wikipedia Entry.

Now I could be wrong, but I think that the Seinfeld episode in which George Costanza's father, Frank, creates the equally ersatz "holiday," Festivus, was a tongue-in-cheek parody of Kwanzaa by the Seinfeld writers (mainly Daniel O'Keefe who therein memorialized his father's February, 1966 invention ... see another: Wikipedia Entry.  I also find it interesting that Festivus ... "for the rest of us" ... was conceived just a few short months after Kwanzaa was first celebrated.)

So, since it is now seems acceptable to invent special days to put forward one's personal agenda, I also intend to follow suit and propose celebrating Hirsute Day on February 12th.  Basically, on this day, I ask that we celebrate facial hair (such as Abraham Lincoln's beard and my moustache.)  I have chosen the 12th of February since Lincoln has been otherwise de-memorialized with the generic "President's Day" and this then will be my way to re-remember him.

Now, for the traditions of Hirsute Day:
- No celebrant is supposed to shave or get a haircut after January 1st ... this includes any observing women.

- The images which are worshiped on Hirsute Day (besides Lincoln and myself) are Sasquatch (Big Foot) and the Abominable Snowman (Yeti).  Multiple pictures of these heroes are placed on helium balloons and floated around the celebration room.

- The people who are condemned on this day are King C. Gillette, Jacob Schick, and any person with a shaved head (egs., Bruce Willis, Howie Mandel, and Sineed O'Connor).  Images of these people are placed at the center of dartboards and peppered with darts by the celebrants.  Any errant dart which bursts a revered helium balloon causes its thrower to be banished from future festivities for five years.

- Other festival traditions of Hirsute Day consist of wearing a hair shirt, performing monkey-like grooming ceremonies on the other celebrants' over-grown shrubbery, and eating butterscotch sundies (without the use of hot wet washcloths or Handi-Wipes).  At the end of the day, everyone stands in a circle, holding hands, and sings all the lyrics from the musical, Hair.  (See Hair Lyrics.)  This takes about three hours, after which everyone is quite angry and many start setting their neighbors' hair on fire (a permissible ceremonial ending ... consequently gaily decorated fire extinguishers are scattered around the room).