The $800 Billion Solution

The Chinese leader, Hu Jintao, is in this country for a state visit hosted by the Obamas.  Now the United States owes China around $800 billion as a result of our on-going trade deficit with them. This presents us thorny diplomatic and financial problems.  However, I think I have a solution,  President Hu is to attend a lavish state dinner at the White House on Wednesday night at which I think we will go all out to cater to Hu's every culinary desire (see state dinner). 

So here's what I think should happen at this repast.  Before each course, a liveried waiter should ask Hu something like, "Would you like the peacock tongues in aspic President Hu?"; "Can I pour you some Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1959, Sir?"; "Would you like the wagyu veal cheeks with white truffles, President Hu?"; "Can I offer you some Dom Perignon 1949 Mr. President?"; "Would you like the cloud berry triffle with whipped blue-whale cream, President Hu?";  "Would you enjoy a pre-Castro hecho a mano cigar, Mr. President?"; "Sir, can I offer you a snifter of Camus cognac 1892?"; "Another?"; etc.

Now, assuming he nods "yes" to all these queries (I don't know how he could say "no"), at the end of this extravagant and well-oiled feast, this waiter would hand President Hu an ornate vellum envelope with the White House seal and a short Barack Obama greeting urging him not to open it until he is ensconced in the Lincoln bedroom.  And when he finally does, he would find an itemized invoice for all these meal courses which, amazingly enough, would total $800 billion ... plus tax and gratuity.  And at the bottom it would say, "We don't accept credit cards."